Things You Wouldn't Know Without Movies

A primer if you will

Published on December 8, 2004 By historyishere In Humor

Thanks to the good folks at Comedy Central's jokes.com for having this list I saw a long time ago.

Rules of the Movie Universe

-It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.

-A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

-If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

-Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

-It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

-When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

-No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

-Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

-When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

-You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

-Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it''''s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

-An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

-Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

Now, a few of my own:

-Musicians have a sixth sense about when to turn on the radio to hear their song being played on the radio for the first time

-It is possible to move faster than both fire and bullets if you really, really need to

-You can get shot 20 times and still be able to make a difference in a fight

-Flying a plane is so easy, even someone who has never done it before can do it with a few verbal instructions.

So, do you have any rules in the movies we haven't mentioned?

Comments

ParaTed2k

on Dec 08, 2004

It's never a good idea to go up against the character the movie was named for, or the actors whose names appear above the title.

Detectives can't figure out crimes any sooner than 10 minutes before the end of the film (even if everyone in the audience figured it out 10 minutes after the movie started).

The sorriest troop in the unit will earn the Medal of Honor attempting to save the most heroic one (if it's a chick flick, he will succeed, otherwise he won't).

Anytime a main character goes to "the big city" for the first time, the first girl he meets will think he's a complete freak, but will fall in love with him by the end of the movie.

If you are in a movie in which M. Night Shyamalan's name appears at least twice in the credits, it would be wise to stay away from water.

The mysterious villain will somehow be related to the hero.

The invincible hero will get his butt kicked at least once before the end of movie climax.

In the last scene of a movie, the villain will get the upper hand, but will die because they talked too long.

Moral of all Disney Cartoons: Anything you put your mind to, you can do, but not without supernatural intervention.

coolcroc

on Dec 08, 2004

if the man and girl are being chased by the bad guys the woman will fall down at least once

love would me culminated in the first 10 minutes except for the inability of either party to communicate

if a man has a reason why he screwed up and the girl asks him for it he just says duhhhhhh.

if the man and woman hate each other on first meeting they will be married by the end of the movie

in a fast draw the hero kills 6 men in a second but in a shootout it takes 10 shots to kill even one

the desk seargeant will always be a dumb asshole

the girl was witness to the crime and provides the motive but the police just laugh at her

even women arent hurt jumping 300 feet into water from a cliff into a raging river

the female love interest never cheats

after he has shot the bad guy he turns his back on him to console the girl and the bad guy gets up one last time

Linda

on Jan 24, 2005

When depressed girls become happy they dye their hair blonde.

messybuu

on Jan 24, 2005

There's sound in space.

drmiler

on Jul 30, 2005

in a fast draw the hero kills 6 men in a second but in a shootout it takes 10 shots to kill even one

I "really" hate this one! 5 seconds ago the guy couldn't miss if he tried! Now he can't hit the broadside of a barn.

Locamama

on Jul 30, 2005

Kid's have their cute scene then disappear when inconvenient. - Wish I had movie kids! ha!

Even ugly people looked polished and pretty.

Everyone has a "glam" job.

Everyone has good hair days and no blemishes. They wake up made up perfectly. Everything fits perfectly. If this isn't how the movie starts - then their will be a great makeover scene where they take the obviously pretty girl and cut her hair and buy her cute clothes and make her take off her glasses. Presto - She's hot! What a surprise!

Ionolast

on Jul 30, 2005

Whenever someone types on a keyboard, they're always fast and they never make mistakes.

lifehappens

on Jul 31, 2005

Never go down to the planet wearing a red shirt.

The stronger the hate at the begining....the greater the friendship or love at the end.

You will always just hapen to run into the person who you need to talk to.

Nobody ever has to really clean or do tons of laundry.

Babies have one really horrible poopy diaper....then nothing for th rest of the movie (a time span of .....a week in movie land)

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