You didn't think I was letting you off THAT easy, did you?
New from K-Tel records! This excellent collection of song titles has been sitting on a hard drive somewhere for months waiting to be made available to you, the blog reading public, and for a limited time, they are being released.
Read such funny titles as:
I'd Rather Hear A Fat Girl Fart Than A Pretty Boy Sing
If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You.
If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now.
If It's Got To Be Later, How 'Bout Later Tonight?
If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low.
If My Nose Was Running Money, Honey, I'd Blow It All On You
If She Hadn't Been So Good Lookin' I Might Have Seen the Train
If She Puts Lipstick On My Dipstick, I'll Fall In Love.
If the Devil Danced in Empty Pockets, He'd Have a Ball in Mine
If Today Was A Fish, I'd Throw It Back In
If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead?
If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will
If You Want Your Freedom PDQ, Divorce Me COD
If You’re Gonna Do Him Wrong Again, You Might As Well Do Him Wrong Again With Me!
I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight.
I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home.
I'm Gonna Put a Bar in the Back of my Car and Drive Myself to Drink
I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life.
I'm Not Married But The Wife Is.
I'm Quittin' Wild Turkey Cold Turkey
I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here.
Is It Cold in Here, or Is it Just You?
It Ain't Easy Being Easy
It Only Takes One Bar (To Make A Prison)
It's Not the High Cost of Living, It's the Cost of Living High
I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart.
I've Been Roped And Throwed By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral
I've Got $5 And It's Saturday Night
I've Heard that Tear Stained Monologue You Do There by the Door Before You Go
Jeremiah Peabody's Polyunsaturated Quick Dissolving Fast Acting Pleasant Tasting Green and Purple Pills
Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You
Last Night I Went to Bed with a "10" and Woke this Morning with a "2"
Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head).
May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose.
Meet Me In the Gravel Pit, Honey, Cuz I'm a Little Boulder There
Mommy, Can I Still Call Him Daddy?
My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus.
My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him.
Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You
Oh, Lord! It's Hard To Be Humble When You're Perfect In Every Way.
Our Love is Illegal, Cause Our Names Ain't the Same
And that all-time favorite:
She Broke My Heart, I Broke Her Jaw
How much would you expect to pay for a collection of this quality... 10 dollars? 5 dollars? a buck 95? your pocket lint? Well, for a limited time only, these songs are being made available to you for FREE! That's right, you can enjoy the titles of these songs for absolutely nothing. But wait, there's more... if you act now, our first installment will be available to you for NO ADDITIONAL COST!
Opry-ators are standing by!
Part 1 is available here: